Certified Water Technologist #63

Certified Water Technologist #63
Vern's Stories fredhorn37@gmail.com

This unfolds into an absolute masterpiece of a crap show


Fence Work

 Nancy Pelosi saw that the fence she had put up had become damaged. So she called in two fence contractors, one democrat and one republican. 

The republican fence contractor checks out the damage and says, $1000 for the repair.

The democrat contractor whispers in Pelosi's  ear:$5000. $2000 for you, $2000 for me, we hire him to fix the fence.

Done she says.


 For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much partying, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million.

104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.

And you're sitting there reading jokes

Golfers Dilemma


She Should Just Change Parties to Democrat Already

 House Republicans vote to remove Rep. Liz Cheney from leadership post

Colonial Pipeline Restart


Colonial Pipeline has announced that it began the restart of pipeline operations around 5 p.m. Wednesday.

Printer Ink

 For the last week I have been working on my federal and state income taxes(hack spit fart cough).

I got the federal done and printed out and mailed off to the bastards.

But my state taxes I had to put on hold because of printer ink.

My magenta ink cartridge ran completely the hell out and the printer said no more printing until you replace that cartridge. I said I will trick you by replacing with a different color until I can get a new cartridge.  AAAAANNNNNKKK! No dice there, the cartridges are designed to not let you do that. So, previously on the printer ink being low I had gone to office depot to get said cartridge. But. HP, which is my brand of printer, in their infinite wisdom and to get you to buy another printer, has apparently quit manufacturing the 02 style of ink cartridges which is what my printer takes. Crap. 

No joy anywhere locally to find one either.

So my daughter goes to target? I think it was online, and found some that are not HP ink. She orders those for me, they got here today. They are not the same physical shape, but they fit, and i was finally able to print out my tax forms for the bastards at the state.

Pisses me off the aholes at HP don't  make those cartridges anymore. The printer is a great printer and has lots of life left in it, more than I do I think.

But for now the brand I purchased will work. Until they quit making those.

Oh well. Such is the way of life in the time of biden and the hoe.

Auto Work Today

My grandson recently bought a used 1998 expedition to replace the durango that the insurance company kept after his fender bender.

When we read the ad, it said it had some minor things to do to it.

We knew the ac was leaking and the heater core was bypassed and a few other things, but he bought it because it was better than most for the price.

Today he came up to replace inner and outer tierod ends. Simple job right?

Jacked up the passenger side, wheel off, got the inner and outer tierod assembly off. Took about 15 minutes total. I was pleased. 

Then my grandson made the fatal mistake, and I wasn't quick enough to stop him.

He said, "That went a lot easier than I thought it would!" And i screamed and gnashed my teeth and cried tears of frustration and said what did you do?

He looked at me like I was crazy, which my wife does several times per day. I think she has a quota or something.

I said you have jinxed us because you said it went better than you thought.  Now everything will go bad! He looked at me like I was crazy.

Well, look who was proven correct! We were only going to replace the tierod ends and reuse the connecting sleeve between the two. Well, guess what? The new parts don't thread into the old sleeve. And new hardware, such as new locknuts and cotter  pins were not provided in the boxes. 

So, back to O'Reillys he goes. Come to find out, the installation instructions that came in the new parts boxes he got, which were not in the ones that we had, state that the new tierod ends cannot be used with the oem connecting sleeve. Huh?? WTF?? So he got new connecting sleeves as well. Or maybe they are called adjusting sleeves?

So, we put the new assembly on, measured out to the same dimension as the old one, and the tire is pointed to the right about 4 inches. So we fought that for an hour to get it straight. Then to the other side to replace that. The nut for the inner rod end was seized and took us about 30 minutes to remove.

Anyway finally got it all done. But I warned him, Don't ever say anything about how good it's going again! It's Dangerous!

Hey! All You Goddamn Democrats! What the hell is this shit?

 BREAKING…Kamala’s Cruel New America: TX Farmer Finds 5 Young Girls Alone and Crying On His Ranch…One Was Naked [VIDEO]

You're Allowing Superviruses to be Created with a 15% mortality

Gas stations along the U.S. East Coast are beginning to run out of fuel

The gas pipeline is still having issues and a few stations on the east coast are running out of gas.

Shortbus joe says the hackers are from russia. 

"The dwindling supplies come just as the nation’s energy industry was preparing to meet stronger fuel demand from summer travel. Americans are once again commuting to the office and booking flights after a year of restrictions. Depending on the duration of the disruption, retail prices could spike, further stoking fears of inflation as commodity prices rally worldwide."


Ron DeSantis Signs Bill Banning Local Governments From Implementing Their Own Gun Control Laws

 My  personal opinion about gun laws is that absolutely no one has the authority to make a gun control law. And I mean no one.

If we the people want guns regulated, then the only way to do that is make an amendment to the constitution.

Otherwise everyone is free to keep and bear arms.

But we the people continue to let politicians run amuck with these laws. 

Gov. DeSantis in Florida is fighting back.

Ron DeSantis Signs Bill Banning Local Governments From Implementing Their Own Gun Control Laws

What is Happening in France: Is War Against Islam Brewing?

 'Civil war is brewing in France and you know it': French military launches another salvo at Macron with new open letter

Some Old Jokes, But Still Funny

 Sidney walks up to the head lumberjack and says he was there to apply for the job of tree cutter. Sidney is only about 5'4" tall, the lumberjack is 6'4" tall. 

The lumberjack says, you are kinda small, where have you worked before? Sidney says,"The Sahara Forest"

The lumberjack says, "You mean the Sahara Desert?"

Sidney says, "That's what they call it now!"

Sidney gets the job, the next day the head boss gives Sidney a chainsaw and they go out to the woods. Boss tells Sidney cut down all these trees with red paint markers, about 50 of them, and goes back to the camp.

Sidney gets back to camp that night pretty tired and immediately starts sharpening the chain on the saw. The boss comes up and asks, "How many you cut down?"

Sidney says "One."

The boss is flabbergasted. We cut down at least 10 a day he says, you gotta do better.

Next day Sidney is plumb wore out. Boss says how many today? Sidney says 2.

Boss says what the heck? Is there something wrong with your saw?

He takes the saw, pulls the cord and it starts on the first try. Brrrrap, Brrrap the saw goes.

Sidney goes Whats that noise?


 I borrowed this from ExTexanWannabe



Michigan man builds poop wall next to neighbor's home

Gas Pipeline Ransomware

 The colonial gas pipeline shutdown has been going a few days now. Apparently some robinhood type group has placed ransomware on their computers and is demanding payment to release them.

If i was the head of colonial, i would hire an equally talented group of mercenaries to hunt down and liquidate this group that calls itself dark side i believe. Think about that. If in the news you see that several computer hacker types have been severely tortured and mutilated because they were suspected of hacking the colonial pipeline, what do you think future hackers might think?

Now lookit, this pipeline supposedly provides 45% of gasoline and diesel from Texas to New England. Why in the hell would you put any control of it on computers with access to internet? Or whatever net they use. Old technology, to me, is better than new technology.

Relays and switches that have to be human operated, may have some human error but that is better than being lockedout. If the hackers have to physically travel to a site to do any hacking, that might deter such hacking, in my opinion.

Any who, here is a link to an article:

Cyber Attack on Colonial Pipeline Leads to Emergency Declaration in 17 States


 What does an alligator get on welfare?


What do you like to meet at a bulb orgy?

A 3-way bulb

Whats it called when jerry nadler drops his pants?

A full moon.

What do crabs get high on?

Crab grass.