Certified Water Technologist #63
Vern's Stories fredhorn37@gmail.com
Best Joke Ever
Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger-side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding... Wouldn't you know that a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, and motioned him to the side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen.
The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, boy?"Bob thought for a second and said, "Uh, 60?"
"67 miles per hour, son! 67 miles per hour in a 55 zone!" said the cop.
"But if you already knew, officer," replied Bob, "why did you ask me?"
Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled and said in his sarcastic fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!"
The cop took a good close look at Bob in his stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob answered, "I've got a job! I have a good, well-paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, smelling Bob's fish, and said, "What kind of job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied Bob.
"What did you say, boy?" asked the patrolman.
"I'm a rectum stretcher!"
The cop, scratching his head, asked, "What does a rectum stretcher do?"
Bob explained, "People call me up and say they need to be stretched, so I go over to their house. I start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, then one whole hand, and then two. Then I slowly pull them farther and farther apart until it's a full six feet across."
The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind, asked, "What the hell do you do with a six-foot assh*le?"
Bob said, "You give him a radar gun and place him by a bridge!"
A Rant for Today
Some of the more sane states are finally reopening. About time isn't it?
I don't exactly know what i am trying to get across in this post.
An election was stolen in november, the entire country has been locked down, covid has an almost 100% chance of you not dying from it. And yes i know it is a very bad disease. What disease isn't very bad? And yes i know hospitals have been overloaded(supposedly).
But what happened to the flu, and the common cold. Supposedly the occurences of those went down because of masking, washing your hands, sanitizing, staying at home, lockdowns, etc. Bullshit. Why didn't covid go down because of that? Answer, everyone is being diagnosed with covid who had common flu or cold.
Stolen election. The courts are not hearing the cases because of lack of standing. Bullshit. EVERY citizen has standing in this. If the PRESIDENT doesn't have standing then who the fuck does?
Election offices are throwing out court cases in Michigan.Antrim County Clerk Dismisses Election Fraud Case How the hell does she have the authority to do that? She doesn't the court reinstated it.
Big tech is censoring conservatives right and left.Poll: Majority of voters believe Big Tech censored political views they 'don't like' Who in government is standing up and stopping that. No one. Why in the hell do we have government anymore? Better off just everyone fighting their own battles and kicking their neighbors ass when they have a dispute. Government should help control the chaos of traffic, maybe the chaos of sanitation. Not a lot more government needs to do for us.
Lets disband all government, including police, but expecially all elected representatives and senators. They don't live under the same laws we do anyway. Screw them, let them suffer the consequences of their actions for a change instead of us.
As i said i don't know what i wish to get across today, i am simply irritated about everything right now. Especially my retirement.
March 31 is my last full day at work. But. I let the sunzabitches talk me into working part time about 4 days a month. And right now my panties are twisted up tight and getting tighter. Problem is they don't have a replacement for me, and i don't want my customers to have problems because of that. So. My fault for wanting a "peaceful transition of power" kinda like when kammietoe will transition to pres. in place of short bus joe, isn't it.
Speaking of that, did you see where they cut shortbus joe's video feed when he said "i will take some questions now if that's what i am supposed to do?"
BIDEN: "I'm happy to take questions if that's what I'm supposed to do..."
— The First (@TheFirstonTV) March 3, 2021
*White House feed cut* pic.twitter.com/y5BHhgXWOB
Well, thats all for now. I think i have whined enough to make a full barrel of whine. See you later.
Movie
I just now watched a movie on youtube called The Big Country. It stars Gregory Peck and Charlton Heston, Burl Ives plays a bad guy, and Chuck Connors plays his badguy son.
It is a western. If you like westerns, i recommend this one. It isn't an academy award winner as far as i know, and Burl Ives doesn't sing, but it is entertaining. A bit long at almost 3 hours, and it does have several ads in it.
Here is a link: The Big Country
Covid Math
I was reading The Feral Irishman. He has a post up talking about covid math and % of people testing positive and deaths and so forth. His math conclusion is 95% of his state of New Hampshire has not tested positive for the covid and you have a 99.92% chance of not dying. And thats without a damn vaccine.
So i am trying to emulate his covid math and i looked up some numbers for calif.
Population 39,613,500 Number of deaths 53,083
So. 53,083/39,613,500====0.00134x100====0.134%
So 0.134% of our population has died from covid, which makes your chances of not dying 99.866%.
Can ANYBODY explain why the goddamnfuckingsonofabitchhell we are still locked down? Anybody? Bueller?
Short Bus Joe is a Super Spreader
Joe Biden says GOP governors in Texas and Mississippi relaxing pandemic restrictions are engaging in “Neanderthal thinking.” So what does that make Joe Biden as he releases COVID positive migrants into the U.S. interior? And what kind of leader of a nation would do that to their own people? Would Biden have received any votes if he campaigned on welcoming and releasing COVID positive migrants into the U.S. without quarantining them first?
Super-Spreader Joe Biden Is Releasing COVID Positive Migrants into US Interior
Memory
My wife and i sitting at the table eating supper. I start texting Number 2 grandson who is in Anchorage. He said it is negative 6 there.
Texting back and forth. My wife says ask him if he received his snack box yet. I look confused i guess cause she had to explain to me she had my daughter, his mom, order and send to him a box of snacks.
So i text and ask him that. And wait. And wait. So i leave the table and come back to my computer, watching a Scanner Danner youtube video on finding an open circuit in a car wiring harness.
About 20 minutes later he texts back and says the post office closes at 5, it is 5:30 his time, he will check tomorrow for it.
So i say okay. Yell at the wife, he said he would check for the box tomorrow.
She turns volume down on her ipad, What did you say? I yell at her again, he said he would check for the box tomorrow?
Her reply? What box?
California set to ban all ag burning by 2025
This is about a stupid thing to do. How the hell are we supposed to get rid of ag waste if it isn't burned?
The article says composting, chipping and biomass plants. Okay, composting can handle a very small amount.
Chipping is going to be really expensive, and what do you do with the chips.
Biomass plants. That is a good use for all the ag waste. Make electricity with it by burning it. But wait, calif has shut down all the biomass plants. Because environment.
So what will the farmers do now?
Give Me One Reason to Go to Work
I will give you that reason. Ammo ain't cheap, and it ain't free.
But here in the communist state of california, it can't be bought without a background check, so i quit buying it. For now. I think that is still going thru the court.
Another thing still going thru the court system is our ban on magazines above 10 rounds.
I think last august a 3 judge panel stopped the ban on high capacity magazines, but now an 11 judge panel from the 9th circus of appeals will review it, en banc.
I think whatever the verdict in this is, it will wind up in the Supreme Court of the Untied States. Untied is spelled correctly. Assuming the scotus takes the case, and there is no certainty in that, the ban on magazines is still very much up in the air.
U.S. court to reconsider California ban on high-capacity magazines
Some Jokes
Two archeologists, exploring a remote mountain in Tibet came across a huge granite statue which resembled a sitting man. It stood almost 400 foot tall, and its bodily details were accurate down to the fingernails and teeth.
"It looks real enough to talk," says one."Lets try," says the other and turning to the statue he asks it its name.
No answer.
"How old are you?"
No answer.
Finally. one shouts out, "What is the square root of 64?"
Suddenly, the mountain shakes as the giant statue rises onto its feet and puts its hand on its chin. Then after about ten seconds, the statue answers in a roaring voice, "Eight."
"Of course!" says the scientist, "... It only stands to reason."
I think there's something wrong with my girlfriend.
She's hallucinating.
She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.
She's hallucinating.
She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.
One day Joe Biden was out jogging -- and accidentally
fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident.
Without a second thought, before the secret service quit laughing, they jumped in the water and
dragged the wet president out of the river.
After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of
the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it,
I'll give it to you."
The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to
Disneyland!"
"I'll personally hand it to you," said Slow Joe.
"I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.
"I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said the
grateful defender of the Western Hemisphere.
"And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the
third boy.
"I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you're not
handicapped!"
"No -- but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved
from drowning."
fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident.
Without a second thought, before the secret service quit laughing, they jumped in the water and
dragged the wet president out of the river.
After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of
the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it,
I'll give it to you."
The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to
Disneyland!"
"I'll personally hand it to you," said Slow Joe.
"I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.
"I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said the
grateful defender of the Western Hemisphere.
"And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the
third boy.
"I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you're not
handicapped!"
"No -- but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved
from drowning."
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