Certified Water Technologist #63

Certified Water Technologist #63
Vern's Stories fredhorn37@gmail.com An expert is someone who knows each time more on each time less, until he finally knows absolutely everything about absolutely nothing.

I Did a Stupid

 I did a stupid thing. I mowed the highly overgrown patch of grass that is my backyard saturday afternoon, and then i parked my lawnmower in the wrong spot. I shouldn't have done that.

I mowed on a high setting because i let the grass grow too tall. Then i parked the mower and took a break. I had every intention of  going back out and lowering the height setting on the mower and going back over another time or two. Well, good intentions are like buttholes, everybodys got em. 

I said screw this and stayed on my break, enjoying the time spent on my computer just surfing up a storm.

Well, night time comes around and heres where i did my stupid thing. I decided to go out back and look at the stars, and maybe take a whiz while i was out there. Only thing is it was damn dark out there, cause i didn't turn a light on. So out i go headed for the yard and damn if i didn't trip right over my lawnmower i had parked in the damn walkway. And flap! Landed on my right shoulder, elbow, forearm and my right cheek. Son of a bitch that hurt. My shoulder, elbow and arm muscles have been tender and hard to move up until this morning.

My wife spread some aspercreme over all those areas. I am here to tell you that stuff is the bomb! It works, I am about 90% improved.


These Goddamn Sunzabitches

 Biden White House Plans 'Vaccine Passports'

Jokes

 I gotta admit this joke took me a minute to get:

The inventor of the umbrella was originally going to call it brella...
But he hesitated.


An elderly couple was sitting together watching TV. During a commercial the husband asked his wife, "Whatever happened to our sexual relations?"
After a long thoughtful silence, the wife replied during the next commercial, "You know, I don't know. I don't think we even got a Christmas card from them last year.


Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet, my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room.
"He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two."
"How will I be sure?" she pressed.
"Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know."


Why do they call it the novel coronavirus?
It’s a long story…



Have Some Fun and Dance Along

Taste

 TWO tigers are walking through the jungle when the one at the back licks the behind of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says: "Hey, cut it out." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way. Five minutes later the rear tiger licks the other's backside again. The front tiger gets angry, but the other tiger just apologises.

After another five minutes, he does it again. The front tiger turns and says: "What is it with you? I told you to stop." The other tiger says: "I really am sorry but I just ate a democrat and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."


I Thought Legislatures Were Supposed to Make Law, Not the Courts

 A few years ago we voted to continue the cash bail system, and now these cocksuckin judges are disenfranchising the voters.

California Supreme Court Rules To End Cash Bail For Some Defendants Who Cannot Afford It

My ONE minute take on GUN CONTROL

Armed Texans Who Stopped Church Shooters EXPOSE Joe Biden's Gun Control ...

One Reporter, One Camera---Starts about 3:00 in

Graham to media: "Walk over there and ask the guy what the hell happened"

Shortbus Joe held a press conference

 Apparently shortbus joe held a press conference today.

Short take on it is: who cares?

Long take on it is: who gives a flyin crap?

In other words this guy is irrelevant. He is not in charge, never was, never will be.

WHO IS RUNNING THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION?

I Don't Go to Jim's

 This is the kind of stuff i like. Throw this crap right back in their faces. I guess in NJ krispy kreme(hack spit) will give a free glazed donut to people who have been vaccinated. A liberal effort to promote vaccination i assume.

But now comes the gym owners who are offering Free Memberships to people who DON'T get vaccinated. I love this! Screw government! And screw liberals who push vaccinations!

NJ Gym Owner Gives Free Membership To Those Who Aren't Vaccinated

Hardware Store

 After lunch today, i went to a local hardware store, not one of the big box stores. I was looking for creosote sweeping logs for my fireplace. This store usually carries that stuff, but today i couldn't find it.

Asked a clerk about, he spotted another clerk and asked him. That guy looked all over, and then went to the computer to check online where they buy the stuff to see if they had it.

I made the mistake of asking this guy how business was. I spent the next 15 minutes listening to him about how good the last years business was for this store. According to him they had the best year ever. He said they never ran out of products to sell, but they did get down to ones and twos sometimes. 

One thing he said they did get really low on was bagged compost. He told me one of the vendors had plenty of compost, but they ran out of bags. Go figure.

In the conversation, he also told me he repaired small engines for the store. He said the vast majority of the time the reason small engines won't start is bad gas. That didn't surprise me. What did surprise me though, was when he said gas purchased here in california was only good for 90 days, and then it deteriorated. I asked if stabilizer helped, and he said a little bit. So now i have to think about this. I"ve got a lot of 5 gallon gas cans full of stabilized gas, all about 12 months old. Do I now start filling my truck from these and rotating them every 90 days? 

Any thoughts on that?



Truisms

 

Way Too True


Eino and Toivo, two upper Michigan handymen were hired to paint a flag pole and were going to be paid by the inch. As they were standing at the base of the flagpole looking up, trying as they may to figure how much to charge, a young woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We are supposed to find the height of this flag pole" said Toivo, "But we don't have a ladder. The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts and laid the pole down. She then took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches" and walked away.

Eino shook his head and laughed, "Ain't that just like a woman! We asked for the height and she gives us the length!!"

Eino and Toivo are currently working for the government......

Illegal Immigration

The latest poll taken by the office of the Governor of Texas asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

30% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."

70% of respondents answered: "No es una problema serio. "

oil


There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America.

Well, there's a very simple answer.

Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn't know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical.

All our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma.

All our dipsticks are in Washington, DC.

Joke

 Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.
He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.

Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.


I think I have it Under Control

For reasons unknown to me I decided to log out of blogger. I guess not unknown. I am getting a new phone and a gmail account has to be associated with it. The gmail account was open and logged into, but i had to give my granddaughter the password to it so she could setup my phone. 

Well crap. I don't remember the password. So i went to log out of that gmail account, but in doing so i have to log out of all gmail accounts. This blog is associated with fredhorn37@gmail.com. And i didn't know the password to that either. Well crap.

Now what do i do. I logged out of everything and went to the gmail account for the phone, made a scientific wild assed guess about the password, and voila! I'm in. 

Now how do i log into fredhorn37@gmail.com. Had to go to forgot password and get a new password. Did all that, but when i logged in, blogger would not go to the posts place where i do my posting from. Took me about 15 minutes to figure out how to get here. 

So i think i have it under control. Maybe. We will see.

Federal Tax Day Extended, but Not States

 Tax Day for individuals extended to May 17: Treasury, IRS extend filing and payment deadline

Want a job? Get a Shot!

 And not a shot of liquor either.

Have you ever thought about what the consequences of a mandatory covid mask or vaccine passport will be? 

Ron Paul has. Here is an article he wrote about it.

Want a Job? Get a Shot!

A Better Vaccine is coming this summer.

 I don't know about you guys, but i am afraid of putting something in my body that does not have a proven track record. And the vaccines the powers that be are pushing don't have that track record.

How many people have died or had severe reactions to these covid vaccines? I don't know, but every day almost i see a headline about someone died from it or got severly maimed. 

The article i will link to below is talking about a vaccine that has about a 100 year track record of proven effectiveness. Study results will come out about it this summer. I think I will wait for that.

Especially since this article talks about how these new vaccines can do long term damage to your lungs. Screw that.

If You Absolutely Must Vaccinate Against Covid-19 Out of Fear or Coercion, Hold Out for This Already Proven Vaccine

Possible Disaster and Covid Federal Tax Help

 Disaster Assistance and Emergency Relief for Individuals and Businesses

THIS is what democrats want to pay reparations to.

 From A Nod to the Gods


HomeGrown Moo Slimic Terrorist

 Facebook Scrubs Page Showing Supermarket Shooter Was Anti-Trump, Pro-Refugee

WatchDog

 


True Words

 The following is taken from Politically Incorrect Humor

We MUST Prevent Death At All Costs!

I think we should set a speed limit of 10 mph for all driving. Any higher might result in traffic fatalities. We should ban skydiving, rock climbing, boxing, skiing, and whitewater rafting. There have been amusement park ride accidents and plane crashes. Better ban all those, just to be safe! Tourists have fell to their deaths at the Grand Canyon, so we better close that up. Heart disease, strokes, and cancer kill people, so we better ban smoking, alcohol, donuts, pizza, chips, cookies, candy, and other unhealthy foods. Almost all drugs, both prescription and illegal, have caused deaths, so we better eradicate them all–can’t be too careful. How about sex..AIDS and other STDs! Better make sex legal only for spouses and just for procreation. If any of these save even one life, isn’t it worth it? Or are you one of those heartless, selfish people not willing to sacrifice for society?! Anything that has ever caused a human death, no matter how low the percentage chances, must be stopped!

Most people will see the previous paragraph as an absurdity, but it precisely summarizes the mentality we’ve adopted on Covid-19. To the mainstream media, Big Tech Covid censors, the CDC, WHO, Dr. Fauci, and Leftist politicians, nothing in this world–and I mean NOTHING–matters now more than minimizing Covid case rates. Business survival and people’s livelihoods don’t matter. Kids education and socialization don’t matter. Strengthening immune systems doesn’t matter. Human relationships don’t matter. The world economy doesn’t matter. Psychological & medical issues caused by masks & other restrictions don’t matter. The Constitution and basic American freedoms don’t matter. Sports, concerts, fitness events, theaters, festivals, religious services, travel, family reunions, lunches with friends all don’t matter. QUALITY OF LIFE DOES NOT MATTER! It never ceases to amaze me that so many of these supposedly educated people, who think they’re soooooo much smarter than what they see as the ignorant rabble of the world, have total tunnel vision. There are no pros or cons to any Covid policy restriction. The only factor of every decision – does it minimize Covid case rates? Yet, despite their hyperfocus on this one factor, they’ve been spectacularly wrong and inconsistent every step of the way!

How much longer are you going to let these fascists rule your lives?!

 


I Got My 1400, Did You?

 





Lamps

A lamp that we own, which belonged to my wifes mother, has had an issue with the switch that turns the light on. You have to play with the switch to get it in just the right position and hold it and maybe it will stay and maybe it won't. Anyway, to get it lit, i had to do more than ply it with liquor.

My wife has wanted me to fix it for a while. You know how it goes, i will get it fixed, you don't have to tell me every 6 months.

So, a floor lamp that we own went south. So I decided to scavenge the switch from that and replace the one that is bad in the other lamp,  which is a Stiffel lamp. Apparently those are nice lamps. What the heck would i know about that, i'm not nice. Well, the switch part of the bad lamp did not want to come off. In the process of disassembly i managed to break the thing. Come to find out, it is a turned brass assembly, damn thing is heavy for what it is.

Well crap, i thought. Tried to glue it together, but of course that doesn't work worth crap. I got it put together with the broken floor lamp switch assembly, but i wanted to fix it correctly. So i went on the internet and did a search, and damned if i didn't find the exact part i needed on amazon. For $24.00. For a lamp switch. 

Holy fudge bucket, 24 bucks for a goldarned switch assembly? Well, eff me runnin. But, i bit the bullett and ordered the thing. Here is a pic of it:

They said it was turned brass, and it's heavy enough i believe. I broke the threaded portion at the bottom of the old one. Wish me luck i don't break this one.







The Ranch. “I’m no longer a democrat”.---I've Never Heard of This Show

 


This is Why America is Going Down the Tubes----Because of Idiots Like This

 Story at 90 Miles---Mayor de Blasio Suggests Police Should Confront People for Noncriminal but 'Hurtful' Conduct

Man Beats HOA in NV Supreme Court - Ep. 6.595---Spends $300,000 on principle

Yep

 Image is from Woodsterman


In 1994 i was in a fishing club. I was riding with the guy who had the boat and car that day. He had only gotten 2 hours of sleep the night before, and almost drunk to boot. 
So on the way home i was driving, going down the freeway about 65 mph in the right hand lane, easy peasy japanesy.
So this guy was asleep in the passenger seat. He wakes up, yells at the top of his lungs, "Watch Out!!!" And immediately falls back asleep.

Scared the living crap out of me! Here I am driving down the road, sitting straight up in the seat, my heart going 100 mph, gasping for air, my head on a 360° swivel looking for the car or truck or roadrunner headed my way to do ultimate damage to the car and boat and us 2 people in it. 

Nothing there. Not even a windshield bug. Nada zip nothing. 
After i calmed down i shook him awake said WTF was that? And he said, What was what?

Never went fishing with him again.






Are We Really Free?

Is this really the land of the free? Or are we the home of the mandated sheeple?

If I am REALLY free, then i should be able to go on the internet or radio or tv or newspapers and advertise that i have a kidney for sale, for whatever price i want to ask. Shouldn't I?

What about my house? If i own my house and property, should i not be able to do as i please with that house and property? If we as a people were really free i believe that we could. 

But. A man in kansas has painted a mural on the side of his house. A mural to celebrate the kansas city chiefs. And the town he lives in has given him i think 2 weeks to take it down or start facing increasing fines.

March 19 (UPI) -- A Kansas man who turned his love for the Kansas City Chiefs into a giant mural on the side of his house said the city has ordered him to take it down.

This is Just a Little Bit Too late, Isn't It?

Arizona senate repubs will apparently do a full hand recount of maricopa county ballots from this last stolen election. Okay, fine. But what do they expect to accomplish? So much time has passed and so many people have had access to all of the ballots and machines,do they really expect to find out the truth of what happened?

state GOP leaders have decided on a “preferred forensic audit”

Dollar General Oil Suit Settlement Reached - Ep. 7.362

Some Old Jokes, But Still Funny

 An elderly couple were in church. The wife leaned over and whispered to her husband, "I just let out a long silent fart... what should I do?"  The husband replied, "Replace the batteries in your hearing aid."



Prison is just one word to you...
But for some people, it's a whole sentence.



What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
They’re, there, their.



A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No, Honey, it's because you're 25."


I Don't Look Good Naked Anymore

07 Have you ever seen the rain

Minimum Wage

 Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. Since the minimum

wage was increased to $15 the owner had to replace his regular human bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man,

What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "168."

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and

medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious... So he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says,

"What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will

try it one more time.

He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.

The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy

you voted for Biden?"

2 Thoughts for Today

 



Check This Out

 Here is ShortBus Joe heading to the helicopter. Check out this video. His hands cover the pic of the microphone. 

Think this pic is staged or digitally changed?

Check out the helicopter. No blades turning but it sure sounds like the thing is spun up ready to go.


Some Old High School Music for You

 


A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.
"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."



If everyone grows up with high self-esteem, whos gonna dance in our strip clubs?


 


 







Talk about Stupid

 Jesus Christ how stupid can people be?

I just got in my mail 2 water bills, one for 136 and and for 68.

Both due the same date. I call them up.  Oh, the bill for 68 is for your feb. billing. Our system went down and we didn't send it out.  Well, I ask, did you guys think to go on radio or tv and tell the citizens anything about that? No, we did not.

Well then, what about the 136? Oh, that is for both feb. and march. And on the bill it says previous balance past due. Wait what? I religiously pay my bills. So i check my record and can't find where i paid it. Crap.

So they didn't send out bills for feb., and now they send out 2 bills for the same goddamn thing. Buncha assholes.



America is Stupid about Covid

 Jesus H Christ. What the goddamn hell is wrong with people in this country? 

Why the HELL are the so called AMERICAN citizens of this country so goddamned brainwashed about this covid shit?

The cdc has apparently released Guidelines. 

you’ve been fully vaccinated:

  • You can gather indoors with fully vaccinated people without wearing a mask.
  • You can gather indoors with unvaccinated people from one other household (for example, visiting with relatives who all live together) without masks, unless any of those people or anyone they live with has an increased risk for severe illness from COVID-19.
  • If you’ve been around someone who has COVID-19, you do not need to stay away from others or get tested unless you have symptoms.
    • However, if you live in a group setting (like a correctional or detention facility or group home) and are around someone who has COVID-19, you should still stay away from others for 14 days and get tested, even if you don’t have symptoms.
  • What Hasn’t Changed

    For now, if you’ve been fully vaccinated:

    • You should still take steps to protect yourself and others in many situations, like wearing a mask, staying at least 6 feet apart from others, and avoiding crowds and poorly ventilated spaces. Take these precautions whenever you are:
    • You should still avoid medium or large-sized gatherings.
    • You should still delay domestic and international travel. If you do travel, you’ll still need to follow CDC requirements and recommendations.
    • You should still watch out for symptoms of COVID-19, especially if you’ve been around someone who is sick. If you have symptoms of COVID-19, you should get tested and stay home and away from others.
    • You will still need to follow guidance at your workplace.

Texas Arrests a Woman for No Mask

 This is pure bullshit. Our country has gone over the goddamn edge when a woman is arrested for not wearing a mask.

I don't give a good goddamn about your fucking so called safety any longer. You people who want to wear a mask, then wear one. But for fucks sake leave everyone else alone.

This cop that arrested this woman should be drawn and quartered for not using common sense.

Arrest warrant issued for Oregon woman who refused to wear mask in Texas bank video

Ronald Reagan Cow Manure Joke

GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert rips Democrat who called her out for “gun fetish...

Words

 

The Parrot


During a lull between the speeches at a recent White House Event, Jill Biden leans over to chat with KneePads Harris.

"Ya know, I bought Joe a parrot for his birthday. The bird is so smart, Joe has already taught him to pronounce over two hundred words!"

"Wow, that's pretty impressive," says KneePads, "but, you do realize that he just speaks the words -- he doesn't really understand what they mean."

"Oh, I know," Dr. Jill replies, "Neither does the parrot."

$1400

 

Your $1400 is Coming Soon

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will are scheduled to again receive another Covid payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an Covid payment ?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala .

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

Better Watch Out Meghan

 





Marjorie Taylor Greene: COVID relief bill 'enslaved' Americans

“It pays reparations. Farmers — white farmers don’t get any help with their loan forgiveness. But the other races do. They get help. So this is the kind of stuff that’s in this bill. It’s disgusting . . . ” — Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene

This is Something You Probably Never Thought About

 Here in Central Calif. there are a bunch of food processing facilities. Many of those process fresh vegetables for market. 

One of the ways these places make food safe to eat is by dousing them with chlorine laden water. This is a very common practice. 

Now some scientist in England has come up with a way to clean the veggies without using chlorine.

Here is a link: Microscopic scrubbing machines

Hero Pay

Several Los Angeles Supermarkets Close Due To City-Ordered ‘Hero Pay’ Pay Bumps

 What the hell is wrong with our country? 

When I was a kid, EVERYONE i knew was going to grow up, get a job, marry, raise a family(with both a wife and a husband), buy your own house, and retire when the time was right. We didn't ask ANYONE to help us out, we just went out and did what we had to do. If someone fell on hard times, the whole community would go to bat for them. You might not like wearing hand me downs that some of your friends used to wear, but you were clothed in clothes without holes in them(unlike now). They fit, too, and didn't hang below your ass and show your butt.

The people of my time growing up all respected America. Until those fucking asshole hippies showed up. Then everything went to shit.

I blame the Beatles music group. They started the whole thing going downhill.

Fast forward to now. Thruout the years the idiot hippie leftists have touted helping out the downtrodden, they need minimum wage to make a living. Forget about many of the minimum wage people lose their jobs because of it, or prices go up to compensate.

And now we have hero pay. What is hero pay you ask? Beats the hell out of me. Apparently it is "extra pay" some cities are forcing INTO LAW that grocery stores are having to pay extra to their employees:Essential workers in grocery stores are putting their health at risk every day to make sure families can put food on the table and city leaders are stepping up to ensure they have the hazard pay they have earned,”

What about me? What about you? I am classified as an essential worker. Hell, who isn't classified that way. I see dozens of people weekly who i get exposed to who might give me The Covid. Why don't I get extra pay?


Young Democrats Thinks Biden Owes Them Money----How about You Get a Job?

 "They're dropping bombs in Syria right now

You Think Anyone Notices?

 


Madam Speaker----Tear Down This Wall!!!

 

Going to Hell I Am

 

New Immigrant


A Mexican arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!"

The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Somalian."

The man goes on and encounter s another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!"

The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!"

That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East , I am not American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Africa!"

Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The African lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work."

Trade

 

Nice Pigs
Date of Joke: Tuesday, 13th February, 2007

Last Tuesday, as President Trump got off the plane at Mar a lago he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, Sir."

The President replies: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Chuck Schumer and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: "Excellent trade, sir."

Post Turtle

 

Post Turtle


While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old man, the doctor asked his patient how he thought Short Bus Joe was doing as President.

The old man said, "Ya know, Biden is a post turtle."

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a "post turtle" was.

He said, "Did you ever drive down a country road and come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top? You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor thing down. That's a post turtle."

Butch the Politician

 



John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

BUT, to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair.

Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result: the judges not only awarded Butch the "No BellPiece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly Butch was a Politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Memes

 



 






 


Best Joke Ever

 Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger-side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding... Wouldn't you know that a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, and motioned him to the side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen.

The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, boy?"
Bob thought for a second and said, "Uh, 60?"
"67 miles per hour, son! 67 miles per hour in a 55 zone!" said the cop.
"But if you already knew, officer," replied Bob, "why did you ask me?"

Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled and said in his sarcastic fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!"
The cop took a good close look at Bob in his stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob answered, "I've got a job! I have a good, well-paying job!"

The cop leaned in the window, smelling Bob's fish, and said, "What kind of job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied Bob.
"What did you say, boy?" asked the patrolman.
"I'm a rectum stretcher!"
The cop, scratching his head, asked, "What does a rectum stretcher do?"
Bob explained, "People call me up and say they need to be stretched, so I go over to their house. I start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, then one whole hand, and then two. Then I slowly pull them farther and farther apart until it's a full six feet across."

The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind, asked, "What the hell do you do with a six-foot assh*le?"
Bob said, "You give him a radar gun and place him by a bridge!"



A Rant for Today

 Some of the more sane states are finally reopening. About time isn't it?

I don't exactly know what i am trying to get across in this post.

An election was stolen in november, the entire country has been locked down, covid has an almost 100% chance of you not dying from it.  And yes i know it is a very bad disease. What disease isn't very bad? And yes i know hospitals have been overloaded(supposedly). 

But what happened to the flu, and the common cold. Supposedly the occurences of those went down because of masking, washing your hands, sanitizing, staying at home, lockdowns, etc. Bullshit. Why didn't covid go down because of that? Answer, everyone is being diagnosed with covid who had common flu or cold.

Stolen election. The courts are not hearing the cases because of lack of standing. Bullshit. EVERY citizen has standing in this. If the PRESIDENT doesn't have standing then who the fuck does?

Election offices are throwing out court cases in Michigan.Antrim County Clerk Dismisses Election Fraud Case How the hell does she have the authority to do that? She doesn't the court reinstated it.

Big tech is censoring conservatives right and left.Poll: Majority of voters believe Big Tech censored political views they 'don't like' Who in government is standing up and stopping that. No one. Why in the hell do we have government anymore? Better off just everyone fighting their own battles and kicking their neighbors ass when they have a dispute. Government should help control the chaos of traffic, maybe the chaos of sanitation. Not a lot more government needs to do for us.

Lets disband all government, including police, but expecially all elected representatives and senators. They don't live under the same laws we do anyway. Screw them, let them suffer the consequences of their actions for a change instead of us.

As i said i don't know what i wish to get across today, i am simply irritated about everything right now. Especially my retirement. 

March 31 is my last full day at work. But. I let the sunzabitches talk me into working part time about 4 days a month. And right now my panties are twisted up tight and getting tighter. Problem is they don't have a replacement for me, and i don't want my customers to have problems because of that. So. My fault for wanting a "peaceful transition of power" kinda like when kammietoe will transition to pres. in place of short bus joe, isn't it.

Speaking of that, did you see where they cut shortbus joe's video feed when he said "i will take some questions now if that's what i am supposed to do?"


Well, thats all for now. I think i have whined enough to make a full barrel of whine. See you later.