Clown Show

Clown Show
Vern's Stories fredhorn37@gmail.com

Friday, April 29, 2022

Your jokes for today

 A traffic police constable stopped a motor bike: "Idiots, stop. You four are riding on a single bike. Don't you know it is a serious offence?"

Youngsters: "Four? Good grief, where is the fifth?"

Here is an oldie but goodie:
Chicken Gun
Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow..
The horrified engineers sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.
Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:
Defrost the chicken..



Thursday, April 28, 2022

Well, what could go wrong here?

 Biden DHS creates new board to police ‘disinformation’

Who the flock do these assholes think they are? God almighty???

This new office is obviously going to target conservatives, socalled republicans, and anyone who disagrees with their narrative.

I hope like hell there is a redwave in november and then the asshole republicans will grow some balls and actually use that redwave to do some good for this country. For example stop everything slowjoe and cameltoe and pelosi are trying to do.

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

 Stolen from Xenophilic


3 for your day

 Fat free....

I stopped at a fast-food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat-Free French Fries. I decided to give them a try.

I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer, which was dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order.

"Just a minute!" I said. "Those aren't fat-free."

"Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes . . . the fat is free!


Discount Grocery Store
My niece, Sue, plans to open a discount grocery store where everything expires in a week...
She's going to call it Best By...


Used Car

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car. They said "Heavens no, we bought it."
He said, "Then why don't you drive it away".
Each of the women said "We can't drive".
The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked "Then why did you buy it?"
They answered, "We were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed, so we are just waiting.

Is this something to give a crap over?

 BREAKING: IT’S OFFICIAL! TWITTER IS SOLD! Twitter Shares Halted Pending News of Sale – Company Sold to Elon Musk for $44 Billion

I don't use twitter and never will. I hope for those who give a shit about it that musk does what he says and makes the platform back into one that values free speech.

I figure this blog gives me all the platform I need to spew whatever I need to. At least until bloggger shuts me down.


Sunday, April 24, 2022

I don't think there is a conspiracy going on

 A List Of 16 Major Fires That Have Occurred At Key Food Industry Facilities In The U.S. Since The Start Of 2022

Unlike some, I don't think there is anything nefarious going on here.

I mean, things happen. One of the items listed causing a fire is a boiler explosion. I used to work on boilers and I am here to tell you they can be easy to fuck up and cause to explode. I was personally involved in two boiler explosions, neither of which was my fault. But sometimes things just happen.

How many food production facilities are there in the usofa? And think about all of the competent?? people running them and the feasibility of a fire happening.

And once again, fires happen in industrial settings all the time. Maybe the media is just concentrating on food facilities at this time.

Friday, April 22, 2022

Garlic festival will be a thing of the past

 Gilroy Garlic Festival canceled indefinitely

This is a shame. Not because I want to go to the festival, but because it is an ending of sorts. A change if you will.

The Garlic Festival has been a fixture in California for a long damn time. The article says 42 years, but I think it is longer.

Garlic ice cream, garlic jelly, hell they might've even had garlic possum guts for all I know. The couple of times my wife and I went they had every garlic concoction known to man and a few known by space aliens.

Thursday, April 21, 2022

Fertilizer

 I have been trying to find some fertilizer for veggies in something larger than a 1, 2 or 5 lb bag. There is a Tractor Supply close by so I looked on their website and found they had general purpose 10-10-10 fertilizer  in 40lb bags. 

So I called my local store and found out they did not have any.

Back to the website, and saw they had a shopping cart so I went to order online and have it delivered to the store. Holy crapanitley. I selected 4 bags at $18 each and hit go to checkout. Bill came out about $193. I just about shit a brick.

4 bags is about $72, but they wanted $115 for shipping. No thank you.

I have looked other places and I cannot find fertilizer in bags larger than 5 lbs except online. 

So I guess a crapload of small baggies is in my future. Hear that nsa, I said small baggies.




Does adding more ethanol to fuel damage the engine more?

 U.S. considers adding more ethanol to gasoline to lower pump price -sources

Will more ethanol in gasoline damage the seals in the engine? 

Ethanol in gas to lower the prices? Not gonna lower the price enough to purchase a can of veggies. Not to mention it gets less miles per gallon so you gonna wind up purchasing more fuel in the longrun.

Farmers are gonna sell the corn to ethanol producers. There goes the food supply to cattle that we all love to eat. 

Here's  an idea. How about if you government types quit screwing around with things like gasoline and just let us people decide what we want to do? Because if you continue screwing things up we the people just might decide to buy some more rope and hang your sorry asses.

Don't know if this is a joke or the truth.

 Guns – Good Question, Better Answer!


For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian General.
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.
Regardless of how you feel about gun laws, you have to love this!
This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.
This is a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The broadcast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, the interview was over.



Well Hell, what could possibly go wrong????

 2.4 Billion GE Mosquitoes to Be Released in US, Despite Uncertainties

Despite uncertainties???

Well hell that just warms the little cockerels of my heart.

The project has raised concerns of environmental and ecological damage, along with unknown impact on human health. 


Slow joe and the asshoes are slowly manipulating us to move to electric vehicles, but where they gonna get the batteries from?

 Looming Electric Vehicle Battery Shortage Could Last Decades, Rivian CEO Warns

With all the lockdowns shortages of everything is now the new norm. Looks like batteries is gonna be one of the shortages.

The lockdown didn't cause the shortage of brains though, that was caused by being registered democrat.

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

 


How long do you think this will last?

 TSA, United, Alaska, Delta, American Airlines Drop All Mask Requirements After Federal Judge Declares Biden’s Mandate Unlawful

I would like to think this is permanent but I don't.

I think either this summer or immediately after the november elections these assholes are gonna try to do this crap all over again.

They are looking at china lockdowns as a pilot program and wondering how to implement that over here.

Bossy fossi ain't done by a long shot.

At this rate the 2036 primaries will be over before anyone goes to jail

 Five Witnesses Connected to Hillary Clinton’s Campaign Invoked the Fifth Amendment and Refused to Cooperate with Durham

Seems to me that when that happens in something as important as this is then you get about 5000 investigators going into their personal and political life and get some answers.

Monday, April 18, 2022

My sentiments exactly

 I found this over at Grouchy Old Cripple

I completely forgot today was tax day until I stopped by his site and read his take on it. Which is below. I thought it appropriate enough to share with you guys.

Tax Day

So Tax Day has come and gone. I spent Easter with my sister and had to hear her piss and moan about having to send the gummint a bunch of money. If only more people would piss and moan about that. Then we could get rid of the RINOs and Dimocrats and restore some fiscal sanity to gummint spending.

Back when Neal Boortz was still on the air, every Tax Day, he would challenge his listeners to ask friends, relatives, and coworkers how much they had to pay in taxes. Of course the answer would be, “I didn’t pay anything. I got money back.”

That’s the scam that is withholding. You overpay the gummint in taxes and then they send you some of your money and you think it’s a gift. You’ve just given the gummint an interest free loan.

Since I’m a SRF© and get a lot of my income from investments, I have no withholding other than my pension and my 401-K withdrawal. So, I have to pay quarterly estimated taxes. I usually am able to get it pretty close so I wind up owing the gummint a few hundred dollars on Tax Day. If you owe too much they penalize you.

I would like to see withholding abolished and move Tax Day to election day. I would like to see how the election would turn out if all taxpayers had to write a check to the gummint before they went to vote. Remember, the Republicans are in on this scam as well. They have no problem passing huge spending bills. Look at the Bush 43 days. That’s why the RINOs were against the Tea Party.

I’m dreaming. None of that will happen. Both parties will continue to spend us into oblivion.

We’re doomed!

Deep thought for today.

 


Sunday, April 17, 2022

Railroad Mandated Shipping Reductions

 US Rail Carriers Are Cutting Fertilizer, Grain, Coal Shipments

Looks like more victims of this stupid covid lockdown bullshit. 

Apparently staffing issues may be causing some of this. And what is causing staffing issues? Probly the damn govmint paying people to sit on their asses.

What do you think will happen if farmers can't get their fertilizers for the farm veggies and stuff they grow and sell to us? They can eventually revert to 1800's technology of composting, manure spreading etc. but not largescale enough to make the same kind of output. And it won't help right now.

More and more and more it looks to me like this whole covid thing has been engineered to bring america to its knees and maybe even the whole world.

And I think they are winning.

 




Saturday, April 16, 2022

Gas Misery Index

According to the U.S. Energy Information Administration, in January 2021 the national average price per gallon of gasoline was $2.33. Compared to today’s national average price of $4.24, Americans are spending $1,003.00 more a year on gasoline today than when President Joe Biden first entered office. 

I am not paying extra for gas because I retired last june and my wife and I hardly go anywhere now.

But. If I was still working I would be paying lots extra. Or the company that I was working for would be that is.

When I was working, my job was to travel between customers and check things out. On most days I would fill my tank once, maybe every other day. But on my longest trips I would fill up twice per day. 

And with the price of gas at over five bucks per gallon that's gotta add up.

I wonder if the socalled 81 million voters have let this shit into their heads yet?

 



GOP Withdraws From ‘Biased’ Commission Running Presidential Debates

 Better Too Late Than Never I Guess

I don't know what they think they are accomplishing at this late date.

Any republican candidate for president now should absolutely refuse all debates.  Fuck em if they can't take a joke.

Friday, April 15, 2022

Friday Funnies

 Not a single person asked if I could run fast in my new shoes today...

Being an adult is stupid.

My son....
A young punk gets on the cross town bus. He's got spiked, multicolored hair that's green, purple & orange. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for the next ten miles.

Finally the punk gets self-conscious and yells at the old man, "What are you looking at you old fart! Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat the old man replied, "Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore & had sex with a parrot. I thought you might be my son."

Outdone

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workers.

After several minutes, Morris had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said: "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied: "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."


Tuesday, April 12, 2022

Well this is going to piss some people off.

 Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt Signs Bill into law Making Abortion at All Stages a Felony

I have never understood why a bill of this nature is even required. Abortion is murder, and murder is against the law already.

Anyway, I imagine a whole bunch of lawsuits are going to be filed post haste and this may even be reported on network news. 

If you need a little snack try this

 Banana Chips

When it comes to things in the kitchen, I can open a hell of a can of beans. Sometimes I can heat them up.

But other things, not so much.

So when I saw this I told myself that is something even I could do. I think.

Does anyone know how long chips like these might last out in the wilds of your pantry shelf?

Monday, April 11, 2022

This planet is doomed.

 Transgender Inmate Now Identifies as a Baby; Demands Diapers, Baby Food & Naps

What a bunch of maroons! Just tell this dumbass no. 

Gov. Abbot is increasing inspections on the Texas Border

 Greg Abbott’s call for more vehicle inspections at the border is causing delays and supply chain issues, locals say

I don't know if Gov Abbott and crew thought about the consequences of this action, but I don't think it is going to work out as he thought.

Only a few hours or days into this and people are really pissed. 

 



Monday Jokes

 A plus

A college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.
She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she wrote:

"Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it."


A motorist caught by a speed camera received notification of a fine in the mail, plus a picture of his vehicle. Duly impressed, he sent back the notification along with a photo of a $100 note to pay the fine.



A Doctor while examining an old retired Army vet, "when was the last time you had sex?"
With a long pause the vet replies: "1955 I believe."
Doctor: "Whoa! Its been a long while then?"
Vet: Its only 20:15 right now?


Today is Louie Louie Day

 International 'Louie Louie' Day celebrates birthday of songwriter Richard Berry

Thursday, April 7, 2022

Hah!! I love this!!

 Mike Tyson’s Severed Ear Edibles Are Too Much For This State

This is absolutely brilliant!! Great marketing!

If he would make cookies, without the marijuana, I would stock up on them. 

I told this to my wife, and she said "Thats stupid." So I guess there goes my idea of ear shaped icecubes.

Ah Bullshit.

 Ketanji Brown Jackson Confirmed To Supreme Court, 3 GOP Senators Break Ranks

This is a goddamn lie. It was a straight party line vote. Collins, murkowski, and romney are liveral democrats. They are not gop by any stretch of the imagination. 

What they are is america hating cowards.

 





Wednesday, April 6, 2022

About time

 BREAKING: Texas Governor Greg Abbott Announces He Will Use Charter Buses to Send Illegal Immigrants to Washington D.C (VIDEO)

The federal government is letting several armies of people cross our southern border.

Even though Gov.Abbot may send some of them home to DC it isn't nearly enough.

Monday, April 4, 2022

Here is a short story I found on the net

 SHTF Fiction: Night Comes

From the comments at the end of the story, I think this was written in 2015. 

Not a long read, but it shares emotions that I think we all have at one time or another.

Truth

 


I don't know what to think about this

 20 Facts About The Emerging Global Food Shortage That Should Chill You To The Core

I don't know if this is real, or just more manipulation of the masses.

I do think, though, that if you can you should buy seeds, seeds, and more seeds. If you live in a rural area, get off your lazy ass and put in a large garden. Now will one of you come put a crowbar on my lazy ass and pry me up off the chair so I can do that myself.

If you live in town with no garden area, buy some containers and packaged soil and start container gardening. If enough people start doing this, maybe the damage here in the former usofa can be mitigated.

I don't know, just spitballin here.


Good Morning

 





Friday, April 1, 2022

I don't like turkey and chicken anyway.

Nearly 17 Million Dead Chickens And Turkeys And Counting – America’s Bird Flu Pandemic Reaches The “Catastrophic” 

I don't think this headline is accurate. In may of 2015 the united states had 8.5 billion broiler chickens. 17 million is a very small amount of that. Sounds like covid flue statistics.

USDA POULTRY PRODUCTION DATA

But assuming that panic strikes and the chicken and turkey industry start killing chickens and turkeys to eradicate this flu, what will happen to prices of whats left?

This is Wrong