Whoever Makes These Videos...Must Have a Lot of Time on Their Hands

 

Well, That Was Awkward

 

Good Morning Memes

 

Here is an oldie, but it's a goody.

 A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb. as promised. He then calls the company and orders their 5-day, 20 lb. program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me you can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot! This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him quite a while to catch her but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze. So for the next four days the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lb. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day 50 lb. program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds this huge, muscular, 7ft man standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "I'm Francis. If I catch you, you're mine...".

NEW: Kristi Noem Issues Nationwide Terrorism Alert for America – Iran Reportedly Set to Attack U.S. Military Facilities Within Hours

 Will Iran attack our military bases?

Answer:

REPORT: Iran Coordinated Missile Attack on US Base in Qatar with Qatari Government

And if they do and my grandson in the army gets hurt, who the hell do I go shoot? 

Just have to wait and see I guess. Fuck the democrats.

Good Morning

 

Brothers of the Heart - I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry (Live At Columbia, T...

Well Shit. USofA Has Bombed the Shit Out of Iran.

 WATCH: President Trump Addresses Nation After Announcing US Dropped Bombs on Iranian Nuclear Sites

Well, President Trump has bombed the shit out of Iran. 

I guess we will find out shortly if, or how many, terrorist cells are in the USofA.

President Trump on TRUTH Social: Fordow Nuclear Plant Is Gone

This Is Pretty Neat

 

Good Morning

 

Afternoon Memes

 

And Now, From BNN Comes This...

 

I Like Women's Basketball

 

Good Morning, It's Friday. Update: I must have been asleep, I should have said it's Thursday

 I'm new at this. What store should I loot to stop America from having a king??

The oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve. It was an apple with very limited memory. Just one byte and everything crashed.

AAAAnd...He's Gone!

 

Who Needs an Order?

 The answer to your dumbass question is no, I would not shoot them in the leg. 

I'm not that good of a shot, especially if they're moving.

Center mass, all the way.

Will this get censored?

Mid Morning Memes

 

Well Shit. This Don't Look Too Good to Me

 Trump Makes It Abundantly Clear That The Final Showdown With Iran Is Here

I guess I have been asleep at the wheel. I don't understand what is causing this big ass kerfuffle over there.

Has the USofA gotten some good intelligence iran is nuke capable?

If we join israel in waging war on iran, is putin gonna withdraw from ukraine and send his army to iran? WTF?

Funny How That Works

 

This Article is Pure Bullshit

How to Dispose of Old Gasoline the Legal (and Safe) Way 

First off, if I got old gas it's because I had beans for supper.

If you got old gas and want to get rid of it, find a neighbor who wants it.

Or, pour a gallon or so into your cars tank on each fillup and use it that way.

Or, pour it into a glass bottle, add some motor oil, and wait for the next riot.

Or, add a bunch of styrofoam to a bottle, cover it with gas, it will dissolve and make napalm.

Don't waste the stuff, it's expensive.

Monday Memes

 

Well Crap

 

I am retired and have been for a few years. But today I got off my lazy ass and decided to repair a bunch of broken lawn sprinklers.

Jeeezus H Christ I have never seen shit so hard to do. So far I have repaired 3 sprinklers. I say repaired. The first one went okay. The second one not so much. I removed the old broken housing and screwed on the new one. Turned on the valve and there is a flood coming out of the bottom of the one I just put on.

Turn off the valve, go to unscrew the new one and the damn plastic nipple decides to unravel. I get the sprinkler off but the damn plastic nipple is still screwed into the bottom with not enough sticking out to grab hold of. 

And I can't find my extractor tool that's big enough to get out a 1/2" nipple. Fuck.

So I remove the remainder of the nipple from the pipe and find another nipple and sprinkler. Okay for now.

Sprinkler number 3. That one is busted all to hell so I grab it with my big channel lock pliers. It will not budge. No way no how. After about 15 minutes I go get my 10" crescent wrench and dig a hole big enough to use it. There was enough square place on the bottom I was able to break the thing free. Third one is done. And so am I.

Sheesh.

How Many Years Since This Film Came Out?

 

Saturday Memes

 

This is a Catchy Little Tune