Some One Liners For You

 ​Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

Why did the one-armed man cross the road? To get to the second-hand shop.

The only drinking problem I have is that I can’t afford alcohol.

The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick and accidentally passed her the super glue. She still isn’t talking to me.