A joke for a Saturday afternoon.

 A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.

For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything went quite well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up Nuts”, and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, “Down Nuts”, and they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, “Cheer Nuts” They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, “Booooo Nuts” and they all started booing and cat calling.

Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a riot in progress.

Finding his missing assistant, the doctor asked:” What in the world happened?”

The assistant replied: “Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, “PEANUTS!”

Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/

And now with ever more to cause worry and confusion.

 Forget Covid and monkeypox - new 'tomato flu' can 'change colour of your limbs'

Now I think they're just makin shit up.

Holy Shit! If you gay don't mess around with monkeypox!!!

 And stay the hell away from me!!!

If the powers that be want to stop this monkeypox problem in its tracks, post this photo on every billboard in america.

Whoever this guy is has a bad case of monkeypox!

One more of the long list of reasons I don't fly.

 Boeing 737 Misses Descent After Pilots Reportedly Fell Asleep

Oh my. 

Sittin in the 7th row of the airplane, window seat, anxiously awaiting the time you can escape from this enclosed death trap, and you look at your watch to see how much longer and you are ten minutes past your landing time.

What do you do? Go all Karen on the stewardesses? Or suck it up and wait?

I would probably start screaming and then start beating on the sonofabitch behind me who kept accidentally? kicking my seat, and then beat on the person in front of me who had their seatback reclined into my lap.

I absolutely hate flying.  

And then find out the pilots who were there to SAFELY transport me halfway across the world were ASLEEP???

Holy Shit!

Good Saturday Afternoon

 

Drought

Latest Drought Updates For The United States 

If you look at the D4 exceptional drought area of california, I live about 1/3 of the way down the very dark red area, and about 1/2 way down from nevada, near fresno calif.

Seems like in the last 20 years or so we have been in a constant state of drought or near drought, with only one or two years having what could be called normal rainfall.

Looks like this is our "new normal".

Good Morning

 

If you don't want pushback, quit pushing us.

 MSNBC host after threats against the FBI: ‘The civil war is here’

This idiot woman thinks the civil war is here. She is so stupid I'm surprised she can even breathe.

If they don't want a civil war, or threats against the feebs, then they should quit breaking the law. They should quit riding roughshod over we the people.

We The People are getting pissed off. And we are starting to be vocal about it. But there are no acts of physical violence going on. Yet.

You people in d.c. and other governments, take heed. This country is based on law. When you have law, and people obey those laws, society succeeds. 

But when you have no law, such as the federal government not obeying its laws, and rules, then society starts to break down.

When governments start ignoring the law of the land and are bent on prosecuting ONE PERSON simply because they don't want him to be the President, then why should we the people obey ANY law???

Adios Boomers

I am one of millions of Boomers. 

This article was over at Grouchy Old Cripple.

The guy has a point I think. 

The DOJ Now Admits The FBI Improperly Seized Trump’s Property.

 The feebs gonna return some of the property they stole.

Who gives a good goddamn if they are going to return property? Shouldn't have been seized in the first place. Isn't that a crime in and of itself???

None of this bullshit warrants a raid like this. Could have easily been handled. Sit down at a table. 6 lawyers on one side, 6 lawyers on the other, an unbiased judge in the middle. Hash it out. Turn over or keep whatever documents the judge says. End of story. Take about 6 hours to get 'er done.

But that doesn't fit their narrative of Orange Man Bad.

They have had ten days now to go over everything they took, whether it was improper or not. 

How many bugs did they plant in the place? And did they have the legal papers to do so? 

Hell, I know he likes the place, but if I was him I would never go back there. And Melania should give all of her clothes and jewelry away and get new. And have all of the new stuff checked for planted bugs.

Hell, if I was him I would find the nearest motel 6 and camp out there. They always leave the lights on. 

Fuck 'em.

Jesus H. Christ. We are really screwed.

You're saying that you are okay with a left wing conspiracy to prevent a sitting president from being re-elected. Absolutely, I am. 

I don't have a clue who this guy sam harris is.

But, as the old saying goes, when somebody tells you who they are, you better listen.

When these people are so unafraid that they will willingly sit on camera and tell you they committed fraud to prevent Donald Trump from being elected, we are really terribly screwed.

As far as I am concerned, the only option we have left is the bullet box.

Happy Thursday

 

From Poliitically Incorrect Humor

Some early evening terrible jokes.

 I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.  But unfortunately none of them seem to work.

I've been trying to come up with good jokes about airplanes, but I can't get any of  'em to land correctly.

I started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.

Did you know that carrots make great detectives?  They always get to the root of the problem.

 

Arizona Governor Finally Takes Action

 Arizona Stacks Shipping Containers With Razor Wire On Southern Border Wall To Stop Biden’s Invasion – Border Gap Near Yuma CLOSED

I wonder how soon slow joe and his doj take arizona to court for doing something the federal government should be doing.

I know less than zero about doug ducey and arizona. But I wonder if he would be doing this if Kari Lake wasn't making tsunamis with her campaign for governor.

What the hell took so long for arizona to close a portion of the border that was wide open?

I know why joe and the hoe didn't. 

Liz Cheney

REMINDER: CNN Learns Wyoming Voters Hate Turncoat Liz Cheney as Much at Rest of the Country 

They said repubs outnumber dems in wyoming 4 to 1. 

Several daily high temperature records are expected to be either tied or broken on Wednesday throughout central/northern California, Idaho, Oregon, and Washington

 Short Range Forecast Discussion

NWS Weather Prediction Center College Park MD 349 PM EDT Tue Aug 16 2022 Valid 00Z Wed Aug 17 2022 - 00Z Fri Aug 19 2022 ...Heavy rain and flash flooding possible across the Southwest and Southern Rockies through at least the end of the week... ...Showers and thunderstorms near a slow-moving frontal boundary to produce locally heavy rain over the Middle/Lower Mississippi Valley tonight into the Deep South on Wednesday and Thursday... ...Dangerous heat and humidity across eastern Texas and the Gulf Coast to mostly dissipate by Thursday, while record-breaking heat builds into the Pacific Northwest... The threat for flash flooding is expected to continue across the southwestern U.S. and into the southern/central Rockies over the next several days as the summer monsoon persists through mid-August. An approaching cold front stretching towards the central Rockies from the southern Plains will help focus additional rounds of thunderstorms across the high terrain of southern Colorado and northern New Mexico into Wednesday. Flash Flood Watches have been issued in order to further highlight the concern. For the Southwest, widespread anomalous atmospheric moisture content remains entrenched over the region and will allow for developing thunderstorms to contain heavy rainfall rates. Overall, impacts through Thursday are expected to be localized and occur underneath isolated downpours. The greatest risk for more scattered flash flooding extends along the U.S.-Mexico border from southern Arizona to far West Texas. An influx of additional moisture associated with a low pressure system, which originated across the western Gulf of Mexico last weekend, will aid in numerous thunderstorms across this region on Wednesday and Thursday. A Slight Risk (level 2/4) of Excessive Rainfall has been issued. The other area at risk for flash flooding over the next few days is along and near a stationary boundary draped from the Southeast to the southern Plains. Numerous showers and thunderstorms are likely to the north of this boundary from southern Missouri to northern Arkansas tonight, which could add up to a few inches of rain and scattered flash flooding. By Wednesday and Thursday, the threat of locally intense rainfall rates should expand along the aforementioned boundary and stretch from the Lower Mississippi Valley to the coastal Carolinas. Some spots within this area could receive several inches of rainfall, leading to localized flooding concerns. Additionally, a few storms will have the potential to strengthen and produce frequent lightning along with isolated damaging wind gusts. Elsewhere, scattered thunderstorms are possible across the northern Plains and Upper Midwest through Thursday. A few storms could turn severe and produce damaging wind gusts and large hail through tonight. For New England, a developing coastal storm is forecast to swing northward into the Gulf of Maine on Wednesday. Moderate-to-locally heavy rain is possible from eastern Massachusetts to northern Maine beginning late tonight, with most rainfall characterized as beneficial for the drought-stricken regions. Gusty winds along coastal sections of New England are also expected, which has prompted High Surf and Wind Advisories to issued for much of Cape Cod and eastern Massachusetts. A few more days of dangerous heat is in store for parts of Texas and the Gulf Coast before the approaching frontal boundary offers additional cloud cover and cooler temperatures. Highs on Wednesday are still anticipated to reach the triple digits throughout central/eastern Texas and northern Louisiana, with humidity causing heat indices to near 110 degrees. By Thursday, the above average and oppressive temperatures are forecast to shrink and consolidate to south-central Texas and the middle/upper Texas Gulf Coast. The most anomalous and potentially record-breaking heat shifts into the Northwest through the end of this week as upper-level ridging builds over the regions. Highs are forecast to soar into the upper 90s and triple digits from central California to the northern Great Basin. This equates to high temperatures around 10-20 degrees above average compared normal mid-August conditions. Several daily high temperature records are expected to be either tied or broken on Wednesday throughout central/northern California, Idaho, Oregon, and Washington, with additional records possible on Thursday. Excessive Heat Warnings and Heat Advisories have been issued along the western United States. For the rest of the Nation, comfortable below average to near average temperatures are anticipated. Snell Graphics are available at https://www.wpc.ncep.noaa.gov/basicwx/basicwx_ndfd.php

Good Morning

 

FBI Crooks are scared. Maybe.

FBI Erects Baracades Around Headquarters Building in DC 

These people are dumbfucks. Do they really think a chain link fence would stop a determined force from breaching their office?

Please. A michigan marshmallow could roll thru those.

Pic from Eaton Rapids Joe.

And what sane person is gonna come up on this place after seeing the bullshit the peaceful protesters of jan. 6 are going thru. More than the peaceful protesters of antifa and blm.

The American people are pissed, and rightfully so. It is about time the feds realized this fact.

Good Morning

 

Fusion Reaction

Breakthrough: Ignition confirmed at California fusion reactor 

They think in about 50 years this might be working. 

I say if they keep this up, in 50 years the earth will be a new sun.

Fusion reaction is hotter than the sun, and cannot be contained, except by a magnetic containment. What happens when that containment fails? And how do you generate one large enough to be useful?

Does the reaction stop all by itself? Or does it keep going and consume the earth, and then the nearest planets, and then merges with the sun to become a mega sun?

I know, fear porn. But sometimes I think mankind should let well enough alone, and just let us live our lives. As we want to and not as they want us to.

Wait, isn't that what the United States is supposed to be about?

Monday Semi Jokes

 My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus.  Not only was I shocked, I was appalled and dismayed.

My wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl. I said I didn't know he knew how to bowl.

How To Install A Southern Home Security System (From Modern Survival Blog)

Southern Home Security | Step 1

Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14 – 16 men’s work boots.

Southern Home Security | Step 2

Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.

Southern Home Security | Step 3

Put four GIANT dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

Southern Home Security | Step 4

Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter

Porky Pig

A Porky Pig Short 

FBI on high alert after threats of violence against law enforcement in w...

Well, I guess when you fuck around you shouldn't be surprised when you find out.

People in America are starting to find their testicular fortitude. And the feds don't like it.

Bought some stuff today.

 

See those two bags? Those two bags, with not really all that much stuff in them, represents a $94 purchase at walmart.

Two packages of underwear, bras, about 7 things of yarn, a small slingshot, and a soda.  A few craft items. $94.00

This is crazy. On the way home we passed by an EZ Trip gas station in madera. Selling 87 octane regular gas at $4.33 per gallon. There were at least 30 cars in line. The other 2 gas stations were at $4.87 per gallon. 

About three miles down the road another EZ Trip station selling 87 octane regular gas at $4.72 per gallon.

In june those prices were $6.39 per gallon. How does inflation cause gas prices to go down? Someone is manipulating the hell out of things.

Being on a fixed income, it is hard to buy as much as I want to and used to buy. But this 0% inflation of slow joe is starting to really hit me hard.