Monday Semi Jokes

 My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus.  Not only was I shocked, I was appalled and dismayed.

My wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl. I said I didn't know he knew how to bowl.

How To Install A Southern Home Security System (From Modern Survival Blog)

Southern Home Security | Step 1

Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14 – 16 men’s work boots.

Southern Home Security | Step 2

Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.

Southern Home Security | Step 3

Put four GIANT dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

Southern Home Security | Step 4

Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter