Vern's Stories

Tuesday, June 15, 2021

Tonights Groaners

 A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.
When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.
This, of course, is the origin of the expression; "He who has a Tates is lost!"



  2. A particular bad set of groaners today Fred...

  3. I'm not exactly sure what the goal is,, I'm guessing it's along the lines of
    That dog is so ugly I can't help but like it
    If that is it
    You nailed it

    1. Thank you. I think that is what groaners are for.

  4. You are a good man , nothing like a good/bad pun...
    By shamelessly copying and forwarding your puns , I have started to get death threats...Keepit up

    1. I laughed so hard when I read that i almost pissed myself! I told the chicken/popcorn joke to a friend and he said "I'm gonna kill you!" If you hear any good groaners send em my way.